Robert D. Gardner – Lynchburg, VA


Behold the old limerick’s a rhyme
Whose humor has lasted in time
Just five lines of neat verse
Whether clean or quite worse
Ridiculous to the sublime

To a vacationing writer named Scott
Here’s my entry to throw in the pot
Your theme got to me
First names with an E
Here they come Scott, like them or not

There was an old man Ebenezer
Had a wife but just couldn’t please ‘er
At the end of his rope
He at last, lost all hope
And shut her up in the freezer

There was a young fellow named Earl
Who took a young lass for a whirl
He then took a chance
And made an advance
But she wasn’t that kind of a girl

There was a young lady named Elma
Who had a twin sister named Thelma
But lo and behold
Dragged in from the cold
Was their long-lost triplet named Selma

There was a young student named Esther
Who fell for a teacher named Lester
The sad end of this tale
She let herself fail
From school in the second semester

There once was fellow named Elvin
Who passed for his brother named Kelvin
But they both were outdone
By that son of a gun
Identical brother named Melvin

That pretty young girl Esmerelda
Wrote her Phillipine cousin Imelda
That she went for a swim
At the Y.W. Gym
But the smell of the chlorine repelled her

There was a young lady named Ellie
Who despised the size of her belly
She went to the doctor
Whose prescription shocked her
“Give up peanut butter and jelly!”

A rabbi’s young daughter Eudora
Got bored with her study of Torah
So to her delight
She stayed out all night
At a marathon dancing the Hora

Have you heard of my sister Eileen?
The toast of the Stage Door Canteen?
She took the first prize
By vote of G.I.’s
And sailors and U.S. Marines

There was a young girl named Elaine
Who got lost on a runaway train
Which left Finger Lakes
With improper brakes
And wound up in Bar Harbor, Maine

There once was a fellow named Eddie
Who said to his girl, “Let’s go steady!”
She hemmed and she hawed
And exclaimed, “Oh my gawd,
I really don’t think that I’m ready!”

That madcap old empress Eugenie
Decided to wear a bikini
To the Masquerade Ball
In the old palace hall
‘Twas snatched off by Mother Cabrini

Suspicious old Sgt. Eugene
Thought his troops skipped to the canteen
He searched every place
All over the base
Found gambling in the latrine

An old Southern lady Edmonia
Was famed for her outdoor symphonia
Now may it be told
That she braved the cold
But died of double pneumonia

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