\u201cYum, yum. This is so good. Are you gonna eat yours?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes,\u201d she said as she protected her Wal-Mart Yeast Roll with a wave of her fist. Now my wife is not a violent woman, but I think she would go to any means to protect that taste of high school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In all my years of shopping \u2014 and there\u2019s well over 40 of them, way over \u2014 in all those paper or plastic moments, I have never before last night bought Wal-Mart Yeast Rolls. That first bite took me back to ninth grade: I\u2019m sitting across from Jenny \u201cJuJubees,\u201d braces and all; with the blue plastic, portion-controlled tray braced between my elbows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey Jenny, you gonna eat that roll?\u201d my lips uttered in anticipation of another bite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 it. If anybody gets my roll, it will be Harold. Monkeys would have to fly out of my butt before you\u2019d get it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Harold just looks around for another Harold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHuh, when was the last time he did your math for you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou got me an F!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, yeah. That\u2019s right. I do remember being kind of bad with numbers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That explains a lot. Maybe that\u2019s why they called me \u201cStinky.\u201d Yes, I\u2019m sure of it, now that I think about it. \u201cWell, what about your English? Did Harold do your English for you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou got me a D in English,\u201d she said through her candy-coated braces. She was right about that, too. Man, I sure wanted another yeast roll. There\u2019s got to be a way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey Jenny, Harold\u2019s kissing Madeline.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUh, uh!\u201d As she turned to look I reached for her shiny, buttery, fluffy, mouth-watering yeast roll. BAM! Mr. Snivel grabbed my forearm with his big, hairy hand sporting a gold bracelet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYoung man, you\u2019re coming with me.\u201d Oops. One can only imagine what happened next. I got \u201cthe chair.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, no, please. I\u2019m only 14. I\u2019m too young for the chair!\u201d I screamed to no avail. Mr. Snivel ignored my pleas, much like he ignored the big giant hairs in his nose. As it turned out, I wasn\u2019t going to die this day. The \u201cchair\u201d was a big wooden seat outside Principal Vandersleethousengudensmite\u2019s office where the kids were brought in for questioning. I was safe for a few minutes because I saw him in the teacher\u2019s lounge during my drag over here. I had to think fast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh yeast roll, oh yeast roll, yummy delicious yeast roll, look what trouble you\u2019ve gotten me into now. Mr. Vandersleethousengudensmite\u2019s assistant was still sitting at her desk. \u201cExcuse me Miss Um, um\u2026\u201d Miss Um would have to do because I forgot her name under such intense scrutiny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I begged and pleaded with her to let me run back and get my bag because all my assignments were contained within the zippers of that bag. \u201cPlease, pretty please? Do you want me to get F\u2019s? That\u2019s what will happen if I can\u2019t bag that bag.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cVery well, Mr. Bun Stealer. But be quick about it. You are to be severely punished for your crime.\u201d Could it really be that easy? Woo hoo. Oh crap, I said that out loud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCome back here, you pervert.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I could just get my hands on another one of those yeast rolls! It might be months before we have this privilege again. We could be stuck with pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers and spaghetti for the next few weeks. I might not see yeast rolls again until next term!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now one might wonder why a high school freshman would react this way to some of the worst food known to man \u2014 foods proven to be absolutely disgusting in laboratories all across America \u2014 consumables that turn the government pyramids upside down of all things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s simply the fact that my mother believes it\u2019s okay to serve crepes for dinner. She believes it is her God-given right to have beans on toast for supper. How can one not yearn for Wal-Mart Yeast Rolls? Now that takes me back to high school\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cYum, yum. This is so good. Are you gonna eat yours?\u201d \u201cYes,\u201d she said as she protected her Wal-Mart Yeast Roll with a wave of her fist. Now my wife is not a violent woman, but I think she would go to any means to protect that taste of high school. In all my years […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-445","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n